Choosing The Right Career Mentor

𝘔𝘶𝘭𝘵𝘪-𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘷𝘴 𝘈𝘶𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘺? Over the last 2-days, I've had 2 separate mentoring sessions with 2 emerging speakers. This is something I love doing, and I noticed an interesting pattern emerging: 𝗠𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗲 𝟭: • Her speeches have often been energetic, humorous and light-hearted. Because of this, people in the community seem to pigeonhole her as entertaining speaker. • However, as I help her dig into her story, I saw a resilient, strong-minded lady of tremendous gumption. • She told me, "Actually Coen, this is who I really am. I want to be authentic and I want my message to embody my spirit!" 𝗠𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗲 𝟮: • Having known her for 3 years, I've always seen her as a no-nonsense senior corporate leader who wants to transition into speaking. • Her previous speeches contained serious messages about change. • However, in a recent mentoring session, she had an epiphany that took her back to her childhood memories, and unveiled a delightful, more playful angle to her. In both situations, the mentees showered deeper layers to them. But that's humanity isn't it? We are not one-dimensional human beings but multi-faceted individuals, wearing different hats, have varied interests, and bringing our own unique "wisdom stack" to how we show up. However, it is human nature to categorise people in order for us to make sense of streams of multiple, we employ "mental shortcuts" (psychologists call them heuristics). We tend to label people, and pigeonhole them into a certain way. Our confirmation bias then picks up only evidence to reinforce our narratives about them. So here's how things panned out in the mentoring: 𝗠𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗲 𝟮: She's always LED FROM deeper conviction, but Leading WITH childlike innocence makes her more approachable and relatable. As she started crafting light-hearted stories with deeper messages embedded, her audiences responded even better to her. She found her magic! 𝗠𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗲 𝟭: She runs the risk of allowing people's opinions about her as an entertaining speaker to define her. I call this the "Lead 𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩" - the public self, or brand that you portray to the people you speak to, or lead. However, as she passionately shared with me, there are multiple layers within that drives her passion for speaking. I call this the "Lead 𝘍𝘳𝘰𝘮" - the deepest space within that drives your leadership. In order for her to reverse people's views that she's "just a funny speaker", she needs to change the stories she shares - from just funny ones to ones containing deeper messages that she wanted to convey - delivered in her usual exuberant and humorous ways! Here's the hard truth: 𝗣𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀 - 𝗜𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗠𝗶𝗻𝗱𝘀 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗧𝗶𝗺𝗲 - 𝗔𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗬𝗼𝘂. If you don't tell your own stories, others will tell them for you anyway, and you may not like it. The good news is that, with awareness and craft, you can tell better ones yourself! #MagneticStorytelling

Don’t just ask someone to “be your mentor” — be intentional about how you work with them. Mentorship has shaped my career in big ways. One of my earliest mentors was an interim pro-vice-chancellor when I worked at a university. That relationship led to the opportunity to work in India — something I never could have planned, but which completely shifted my trajectory. I still work with mentors today, so when people approach me for mentorship, I try to help where I can. Enter Iqra Ali. She recently reached out with the perfect approach — clear, thoughtful, and showing she’s driven, passionate, approachable, and ready to put the work in. And that’s the difference. Mentorship works when the mentee drives the relationship. From both sides, here’s what I’ve seen matters most: ✅ Be clear on what you need support with ✅ Do your research before you reach out ✅ Come prepared and on time ✅ Keep your mentor updated on progress ✅ Follow up promptly — respect their time Beyond the basics, mentorship can also be strategic: ✅ Learn from people indirectly (blogs, podcasts, videos, talks) ✅ Build a network of mentors, not just one ✅ Set yourself weekly challenges to apply advice ✅ Invest in yourself — through mentors, courses, and training I truly believe mentorship can be a game-changing investment. But it does require time, and sometimes money. If you’re clear on what you want, open to feedback, and willing to put the work in, the return on this investment will continue to pay off again and again throughout your career. #mentorship

Mentoring is one of the most powerful relationships we can build. Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of mentoring some truly remarkable individuals—both formally and informally—and it’s been one of the most rewarding parts of my career journey. It’s not just about offering guidance or helping someone overcome challenges. It’s about nurturing leadership, elevating others and fostering a culture where everyone feels like they belong, where every voice is heard and where everyone is empowered to succeed. Earlier this week, we celebrated MentorHer Day, marking not just the conclusion of many mentorship journeys, but the start of something far greater. Since the programme’s launch in 2018, we’ve mentored over 1,000 women, helping them step into leadership roles, broaden their skills and grow in confidence. And the impact doesn’t end there—together, we’re creating a ripple effect of empowerment that will resonate far into the future. This isn’t just a programme—it’s a promise to help women dream bigger, aim higher and achieve more than they ever thought possible. Listening to the personal stories shared on MentorHer Day, I was deeply moved. These are my three key takeaways – and not just about what mentorship gives, but what it asks of us:         • Mentorship can build lifelong relationships When the formal mentorship relationship ends, the bonds and connections formed during that time don’t have to. Cultivating authentic, personal connections—a safe space where mentees can be open about their dreams and aspirations—can build relationships which grow into enduring bonds and friendships that transcend the workplace. • Mentorship is a two-way street The real beauty of mentorship lies in its reciprocity. Every time I mentor someone, I gain fresh perspectives—not just about them, but about myself and my own leadership style. Mentorship holds up a mirror, allowing us to see where we, too, can grow and improve. No two mentorships are ever the same and that’s what makes mentorship so much fun! Some of my best mentorship moments have happened outside the traditional office setting – treadmill meetings or a cozy coffee shop where the usual hierarchy fades away and both mentor and mentee can contribute equally to the journey.  • Mentorship is about paying it forward The true power of mentorship lies in its ripple effect. When mentees become mentors themselves, they create a legacy of empowerment—passing on the confidence, tools and sense of possibility that encourages the next generation to achieve even more than they once believed possible. That’s the true power of paying it forward.    To all mentors and mentees, you are the heartbeat of initiatives such as these. You’re not just creating opportunities—you’re helping shape futures. Thank you for being part of something so impactful. As I said on stage: Let’s keep making waves.

Embrace the power of “story-mentoring”! Every mentor needs to utilize the power of storytelling. Often, we overlook the wealth of experiences we have accumulated, failing to recognize how much we can impart to our mentees. Recently, I had two sessions with my mentees that reminded me of this crucial aspect. During our discussions, we focused on how they can better influence others. One mentee, who has made the transition from a more assertive sector into social impact, is navigating her first corporate job at Micron Technology. While she's incredibly passionate and covers a lot of ground, I noticed she often approaches interactions forcefully, which can lead to information overload for those around her. This led to a significant “aha” moment for her, as she realized that her fast-paced and firm style stemmed from her background in a very take-charge industry. To help adapt her communication skills to her current environment, we discussed how pausing, listening, and paraphrasing can yield much better engagement and influence. Storytelling emerged as a critical component in this mentoring relationship, helping her connect with others on a deeper level. At the beginning of the year, I was invited to speak to a group of women as part of Micron's initiative to advance women's progress. Reflecting on my own journey, I shared insights about how to pause to propel - essentially a mindset shift. I likened it to playing checkers versus chess, emphasizing the importance of preparation in leadership. Shifting the focus from merely doing things right to understanding the right impact also plays a vital role in mentoring. We anchored our discussion around creating those crucial “aha” moments for mentees by blending mentoring with storytelling; a concept I like to call “story-mentoring.” When I think about mentorship, I envision mentors and mentees leveraging storytelling to share experiences, allowing personal stories to illuminate lessons. Mentoring should never feel like a one-sided lecture; it’s about showing, not just telling. Embracing the art of storytelling in your mentoring relationships is not just about imparting knowledge; it’s about creating connections and fostering understanding through shared experiences. Let’s turn our stories into powerful mentorship tools!    #Mentor #Mentee #Storytelling #Experiences #Understanding 

Mentorship Is Not a Metric. Real growth doesn’t come from logging hours—it comes from sharing lives. Mentorship isn’t a spreadsheet. It’s not a formal match program or a checkbox on someone’s professional development plan. And yet, in today’s workplace, we’ve reduced it to exactly that—a system of assigned advisors, scheduled coffee chats, and tracked outcomes. But we’ve missed something vital. When I first moved to New York City at 24, I had no job, no college degree, and no real plan—just hustle, hope, and the phone number of a man my father had once met: actor Tony Lo Bianco. I called him looking for a crash course in acting. What I got instead was an education in life. Tony didn’t want to see my list of questions. He handed me a rock and said, “Ask it something.” We spent hours in dialogue—not about scenes or scripts, but about stories, history, human nature, and what it means to really pay attention. That was the beginning of a mentorship that would span five years, hundreds of theatrical performances, and thousands of shared hours. Tony didn’t mentor me because he had to. He wasn’t “assigned” to me. There were no quarterly goals or feedback surveys. He mentored me because he saw something in me—and because he, too, needed connection. This is what we’ve lost. Today, companies tout “mentorship programs” with performance metrics, tracking hours and feedback forms. Employees are “matched” by software, assigned mentors as part of onboarding, or told to log mentoring time for promotions. But these are empty rituals. Because real mentorship can’t be measured—it can only be felt. Real mentorship is a conversation, not a contract. It’s curiosity without a clock. It’s showing up when it’s inconvenient. It’s the courage to listen, the humility to share, and the willingness to be changed. Tony and I were messy, but we were human. As mentor / mentee, we laughed, we argued, we mirrored each other. And that’s what true mentorship is: a mirror held up by someone who sees you, who challenges you, who believes in you even when you don’t believe in yourself, me a 24 year old dreamer at the time. If you are a leader, a parent, a teacher—someone who has lived, struggled, and learned—then you are capable of being a mentor. I challenge you: Don’t mentor to check a box. Mentor to change a life. And don’t be afraid to let your life be changed in the process. Also, while you're at it, go thank the people that mentored you, even from afar.

Mentorship isn’t a one-way street. It’s a reciprocal exchange. We often think of mentorship as a senior-to-junior relationship where one person “teaches” and the other “learns.” But the most impactful mentorships I’ve seen are two-way. When a founder seeking guidance partners with a mentor who’s also open to learning, both grow. It’s a balanced dynamic where insights, challenges, and perspectives flow in both directions. For example: - The mentee might bring fresh industry insights, innovative approaches, or new market trends. - The mentor provides battle-tested experience, guiding the mentee around common pitfalls and expanding their strategic view. - This exchange creates mutual respect and a deeper understanding. One that goes far beyond the conventional mentor-mentee dynamic. Here’s how to build reciprocal mentorship: - Be intentional about what you bring to the table. - Listen actively and be open to your mentor’s feedback and insights. - Share your own strengths and experiences in return, creating a genuine dialogue. - Reciprocal mentorship is transformative for both parties—and it builds a lasting network of allies and champions. Have you experienced a mentorship that went both ways? What made it work?

Memoirs of a Gully Boy Episode 32: #Mentorship – The Bridge to Collective Growth In every career, there comes a point when the focus shifts from personal success to creating opportunities for others. Mentorship is that bridge—a powerful tool that not only shapes individuals but also builds stronger teams and organizations. The Early Lessons in Guidance One of my first experiences as a mentor came during a high-stakes project involving a new hire fresh out of college. The project’s complexity overwhelmed him, and mistakes became frequent. Instead of micromanaging or criticizing, I walked him through the basics, shared my own early career struggles, and gave him the space to learn. With time and encouragement, he gained confidence and delivered key components of the project. Watching him grow and succeed was as rewarding as achieving the project’s goals. Lesson 1: A mentor’s role is not to provide all the answers but to enable others to find their own. During a process optimization project for a manufacturing client, I worked closely with a team of young managers. While they were technically sound, they lacked the leadership experience needed to navigate high-pressure situations. I introduced them to structured decision-making frameworks, helping them break complex problems into manageable steps. Within months, they were not just solving problems but leading sub-projects independently. Some of them eventually rose to senior leadership positions, proving that mentorship creates a ripple effect that benefits individuals and organizations alike. Lesson 2: The best mentors don’t just develop problem-solvers—they cultivate future leaders. Learning Through Reverse Mentorship Mentorship isn’t a one-way street. I’ve often found myself learning from those I mentor, particularly during innovation-driven projects. In one instance, a young team member introduced a new data visualization tool that significantly improved our ability to analyze and present key metrics. His fresh perspective enhanced the project and reminded me that mentorship is about fostering mutual growth, where both mentor and mentee evolve together. Lesson 3: Mentorship thrives on mutual learning—it’s as much about listening as it is about guiding. The Role of Empathy in Mentorship Mentorship isn’t solely about technical guidance; it’s about understanding the challenges your mentees face. During a critical software migration, one team member struggled with personal issues, affecting his performance. Instead of pressuring him, I offered flexible deadlines and support, enabling him to focus on both his work and personal life. That experience underscored the importance of empathy in mentorship—creating a safe environment where people feel supported, not judged. Lesson 4: Empathy builds trust, and trust transforms mentorship into a lasting Partnership Mentorship is a cornerstone of professional growth. It’s the act of lifting others, shaping future leaders To be continued...

How do you mentor and give feedback to high achiever types? First, it's a previlege to have mentees like that. I am blessed to have a few and they push me to think hard in ways I otherwise won't have a reason to. People who have tasted success early don't always appreciate the element of luck in career progression. There are a lot of people who are supremely talented around us - and many of them work incredibly hard too. Yet, not all of them will get great opportunities consistently to prove themselves to the world in a way that lets them stand out. So the high achiever has greater odds of having unrealistic baseline expectations compared to others in their peer group. The role of a good mentor is to paint the big picture and help them calibrate their expectations The next aspect is that they might not have sufficiently tasted failure so far to develop resilience. They intellectually know that failure is part of the process but emotionally they often tend to think that failure is something that happens to other people. The earlier they learn to accept failure and learn to deal with it, the farther they go and the less painful it will be. This is quite hard for mentors to accomplish - because the moment the conversation goes that way, the mentee will get a tad less confident. It's a fine balancing act A classic example of unrealistic expectations is when it comes to speed of promotions. They might have had fast promotions a few times already and hence thinks about that are the norm. A mentor needs to help them develop the EQ required to know that what got them here won't help get them there. The competition gets harder at every level up from where you are and the peer group will be as strong or stronger than you - and there are much fewer seats at the top of the pyramid than at any level below. Last point I will make here is about helping the mentee get other mentors to help them with things you cannot do justice to. When you have high quality mentees - they often shoot ahead of you at some point. I love it when it happens - I will be proud to work for my high potential mentees in future. Some of my best mentors have worked for me as well and while it's a tad uncomfortable, it's a natural thing to happen in such cases. Making warm introductions to others is a BIG step in mentoring. Mentees have to earn that, and mentors have to be secure enough to do that.

One question that I’m often asked by companies is how they ought to manage the pairing process for their mentorship/sponsorship programs. The long and short of it is this: #mentorship programs (note that there isn’t a ton of research on #sponsorship programs because these are relatively new – reach out if you want to work with me on this question!) seem to work best (if we define best as mentor/mentee #satisfaction) when both parties have some sense of #choice in whom they are matched up with AND if mentors receive #training. But back to the pairing process. A new paper looks specifically at the preferences of mentees and finds that women have a huge #preference for same-gender mentor/mentee pairings, much more so than men. Yana Gallen and Melanie W. look at activity on an online college mentoring platform that connects current students with college alumni. They find that women students are 21% more likely to reach out to women alumna than are men students. This is true even though women mentors are 13% less likely to respond to messages from women students than are men mentors. Is this lack of responsiveness due to being overwhelmed with messages from women students? Not so; men and women mentors receive about the same number of messages (although who knows how many mentees they have off the platform). Gallen and Wasserman wondered how far this gendered preference would go. They conducted a study in which participants had to choose between men and women mentor pairings, but critically, they also varied the #occupation of the mentors (to see if students’ gender preferences would override preferences for matched occupation) and whether the participant had access to information about the mentor’s #quality (via ratings purportedly provided by prior mentees who had worked with the mentor). They find that women students will give up matching with a mentor in their desired occupation to work with a same-gender mentor. Meaning, shared gender matters more to them than shared occupation. However, information about mentor quality mattered; once students could see if mentors were rated as high or low quality by prior mentees, women students’ preference for same-gender mentors disappeared, choosing whichever mentor had higher ratings. What this suggests is that absent other information, women assume that women mentors are higher quality than men mentors. So, coming full circle, mentorship programmers ought to provide mentorship training that ensures that everyone has high quality mentors. Sharing that mentors have undergone this training could help allay concerns women mentees have about being matched with a cross-gender mentor (who would otherwise be presumed to provide lower quality mentorship). This would also be helpful because to the extent that women mentors tend to have more mentees than men mentors (what some consider part of the #gendertax), this could shift some of that burden. Link to the paper: https://lnkd.in/gm95qkm4

As a mentor, it’s not your job to mold a mentee into a model of yourself. It's to help them become the best version of themselves. When I was in the military, I was instructed to take a new pilot under my wing. As I got to know him, I realized this new pilot approached work differently than I did. His demeanor was more laidback than mine, and I saw this as a negative trait. After a few months, I became frustrated when he didn’t change his approach to match mine. To be honest, I was wary of whether he would succeed in our unit. But I was wrong. He ended up being a successful pilot, an incredible teammate, and a great friend to me. He advanced in his career, and he did it in the way that was best suited to him. I made the mistake of assuming that to be successful, my mentee needed to do things exactly as I did them. It’s a trap many mentors are prone to. If you truly want to help someone grow in their career, the goal shouldn’t be to make them your mirror image. It should be to understand where they want to go and how you can best help them get there. No two people are the same, and no two journeys to success are the same. If you can approach mentoring with this in mind, your mentee will be better for it – and so will you.