Developing Listening Skills

My weekends are often spent mentoring, and I frequently get asked how I find the time and if it gets exhausting. For me, it doesn't. Spending a few hours each week lecturing at a college, solving issues for friends, or catching up with contemporaries is a delight. The diversity of my work is like being a space traveler: one day, it's creating music with Ankur Tewari; the next, it's discussing comedy with Tanmay Bhatt, or exploring the future of publishing with Shreya Punj. My schedule might exhaust others, but as Amit Varma says, it's like creating a picture of the universe—the more dots, the clearer the picture. And as I say, "To sprinkle stardust, you have to visit the stars." Every person is an adventure, an Aladdin’s cave filled with treasure. The question is, can you unlock them? Some steps for Learning and Mentoring Conversations - Listen More Than Talk: Truly hear what the other person is saying. - Keep Devices Away: Focus on the conversation unless taking notes, and inform them if you are. - Frame Questions Well: Ask open-ended questions to elicit more than a yes or no. - Set Goals: Establish clear objectives for mentoring sessions. - Encourage Openness: Create a safe environment for sharing. - Be Patient: Let the conversation flow naturally. - Provide Constructive Feedback: Offer supportive insights. - Summarize and Reflect: Ensure understanding and engagement. - Follow Up: Check progress and continue discussions. - Stay Curious:Maintain genuine interest in their journey. - Encourage Self-Reflection: Prompt deep thinking about their actions. - Respect Boundaries:Be mindful of sensitive topics. These strategies help create meaningful, effective learning conversations that enrich both parties.

The worst sales advice I ever got? "Just listen more." As if listening alone closes deals. See, most reps think they're listening. They're actually just waiting for their turn to talk. Or worse - frantically scribbling notes while missing the real message. Level 1: Eye Contact Not staring at yourself in the corner of Zoom. Not checking emails on your second screen. Actually looking at them. Showing presence. Simple? Yes. Common? Absolutely not. Level 2: Active Engagement Don't just nod along. Repeat back what they've said. "So what you're saying is..." Then dig deeper with specific questions. This is where deals actually move forward. Where trust gets built. Where you separate yourself from the 90% who just pitch. But Level 3? This is the game-changer. Level 3: Total Capture with Otter.ai I stopped pretending I could remember everything. Stopped the frantic note-taking that kills connection. Started transcribing every single word instead. Now while competitors are scrambling with notes, I'm: ↳ Maintaining full eye contact ↳ Asking deeper follow-up questions ↳ Actually hearing what they're NOT saying ↳ Building real relationships, not just taking orders Otter.ai captures it all: - Every commitment made - Every concern raised - Every buying signal dropped - Every stakeholder mentioned After the call? I've got: - Complete transcription - AI-powered summary - Action items extracted - Follow-up points clear See for yourself here https://lnkd.in/ewux7QDE The result? My close rate jumped 37% in 90 days. Not because I became a better talker. Because I became an elite listener. Your prospects don't want another rep taking notes. They want someone who truly hears them. Eye contact shows respect. Active engagement builds trust. But total capture? That's what wins deals. Free yourself from note-taking. Start actually listening. Let technology handle the rest. Because in 2026, if you're still choosing between listening and note-taking... You're already losing to someone who doesn't have to choose. What's your biggest listening challenge in sales? 👇

What if I told you that the key to unlocking deeper conversations lies in the questions you ask? Questions are more than just a means of gathering information, they are powerful tools for connection and understanding. The right questions can lead to profound insights and foster genuine engagement. 1. Encourage Engagement: Thoughtful questions invite others to share their thoughts and feelings. This fosters a sense of collaboration and makes conversations more dynamic. 2. Uncover Insights: Questions help reveal valuable information that might remain hidden in a typical exchange. They encourage deeper exploration of ideas and experiences. 3. Build Relationships: Asking personal or open-ended questions shows genuine interest in the other person’s life. This can strengthen bonds and create a sense of trust. 4. Promote Critical Thinking: Thought-provoking questions challenge both the asker and responder to think critically about the topic, leading to richer discussions. Types of questions to ask: 1. Open-Ended Questions: These encourage expansive responses. For example, instead of asking, “Did you enjoy the event?” try, “What was your favorite part of the event?” 2. Follow-Up Questions: Show that you’re listening by asking questions based on their responses. For instance, “That’s interesting! Can you elaborate on that?” 3. Clarifying Questions: If something isn’t clear, asking for clarification shows your desire to understand. Example: “What do you mean by that?” 4. Reflective Questions: Encourage introspection with questions like, “How did that experience shape your perspective on teamwork?” Mastering the art of asking questions can significantly enhance your communication skills. By fostering engagement, uncovering insights, and building relationships, you create richer dialogues that benefit everyone involved. So, the next time you converse, remember: the right question can open doors to deeper understanding and connection. What’s the best question you’ve ever asked that led to a meaningful conversation? Share your experiences in the comments below!

Most leaders think they’re good listeners. But listening isn’t just about words. It’s how someone walks into a room. How quickly they respond. What happens after the meeting ends. These signals are easy to miss or worse, misread. Non-verbal cues aren’t universal. What feels open in one context can feel guarded in another. The risk isn’t confusion. It’s assuming you’re right. Strong leaders don’t decode every gesture. They pay attention to patterns. They notice shifts. They ask. They stay curious. That’s what it means to listen with your eyes. When leaders tune into more than just language, they catch hesitation earlier, avoid missteps that erode trust, and notice how their own behavior lands. It’s not about mind-reading. It’s about staying present long enough to see what’s really being said. That’s how trust is built…one observation at a time.

I've noticed a trend where people listen just to respond, which is far from ideal. Whether in meetings, events, or casual conversations, dealing with people who don’t listen is both challenging and frustrating. I’ve seen this countless times, and I've become adept at recognizing when someone is no longer truly engaged, even if they're physically present. Why does this happen? ➊ Lack of interest ➋ Short attention span ➌ Habit of multitasking ➍ Assuming they already know the answer Whatever the reason, this lack of focus hampers meaningful conversations and leaves others feeling insignificant or unimportant. When you don’t truly understand, how can you connect or find the right solution? ---> Takeaway Listen to genuinely understand what others are saying. This means striving to grasp the speaker's perspective and emotions, not just crafting a response. In workplaces, this kind of listening is transformative. - Leaders who listen understand their teams better. - Teams that listen collaborate more effectively. It's the secret to fostering a supportive and innovative work environment. How to listen to understand? - Be fully present. - Acknowledge the other party's point of view. - Ask open-ended questions to encourage elaboration. - Use emotional intelligence to interpret non-verbal cues, body language, and tone. - Employ pauses and silence to give the other person time to reflect and respond. The benefits of listening to understand are immense: - Fostering empathy - Deepening mutual respect - Building genuine connections - Enhancing problem-solving and collaboration So, the next time you're in a conversation… Stop Trying to Fix Things, Just Listen. You might be surprised by the insights you gain and the connections you build. #Empathy #Communication #Leadership

Don’t just hear the words, listen between the lines… Language is a powerful tool that enables us to communicate, connect, and build relationships. However, it can also be a source of confusion, conflict, and division. Many of the world's problems stem from linguistic mistakes and simple misunderstandings, where words are misinterpreted, misused, or taken out of context. When we communicate, we're not just exchanging words; we're also conveying emotions, intentions, and nuances. However, these nuances can be lost in translation, leading to misunderstandings and miscommunications. A single word or phrase can have different meanings to different people, and the context in which it's used can greatly impact its interpretation. When we take words at face value, we risk making assumptions about what the other person means. We might assume that we understand their perspective, or that we're being misunderstood. These assumptions can lead to conflict, resentment, and hurt feelings. So, how can we avoid these misunderstandings? By clarifying, asking questions, and seeking to understand the other person's perspective. We can ask for explanations to ensure that we're on the same page. By doing so, we can build trust, resolve conflicts, and deepen our relationships. Don't ever take words at face value. Instead, approach communication with curiosity, empathy, and an open mind. Recognize that words are just one part of the communication process, and that tone, context, and intention are just as important. By being more mindful and intentional in our communication, we can avoid misunderstandings, build stronger relationships, and create a more harmonious world. In a world where words can be both powerful and problematic, it's essential to approach communication with care and attention. By being aware of the potential for misunderstandings and taking steps to clarify and seek understanding, we can create a more compassionate and connected world. So, let's choose to communicate with intention, empathy, and understanding, and see the positive impact it can have on our relationships and our world.

One of the core principles is the difference between listening and truly hearing. On the left, the brick represents how most of us listen—just enough to prepare a response. This type of listening, where we're more focused on what we want to say next, creates barriers and limits genuine communication. It's about being in our own head, defending our own viewpoint, and missing the opportunity to connect. On the right, the sponge symbolises a different kind of listening—one aligned with honest principle of being present and open to what others are saying. Here, listening isn't just about the words spoken; it's about truly understanding the context, emotions, and intentions behind those words. This approach transforms conversations, allowing for breakthroughs and deeper understanding. I believe, this shift in listening—from responding to understanding—opens up new possibilities in our relationships, our work, and our lives. By listening like the sponge, we create space for others to be fully heard, which leads to more authentic and powerful connections.

Listening is a skill I’ve never truly mastered I tend to fill silences when I should leave space. I often jump to making suggestions instead of asking questions. I sometimes wonder if I focus more on what I’ll say next rather than truly hearing what’s being said. These are weaknesses. But tackling a weakness can only happen once you accept it. And now I am working on it. Because being a better listener isn’t just about being polite — it’s essential for building trust, understanding others, and making better decisions. So here’s what I’m trying to do to get better: 1. Pausing for 3 seconds before responding. 🤫 It’s hard for me to pause purposefully, but research shows that leaving a small gap rather than filling it encourages the other person to elaborate. 2. Maintaining eye contact — but not too much. Looking away occasionally makes people feel less pressured and more open. Which is of course what I want. 3. Making an effort to ask open-ended questions instead of giving advice. Offering unsolicited solutions is a bad habit, just ask anyone I work with. “Can you tell me more about that?” works better than jumping in with advice that starts with me saying: “If I was you this is what I’d do…” 4. Summarising what I’ve heard to check my understanding. Saying “What I’m hearing is…” helps clarify miscommunication and shows I’ve been paying attention. It’s one of the techniques I learned from master negotiator Chris Voss’ books. 🤔 5. Physically removing distractions. If music is on in the background I turn it off or down. And putting my phone out of sight and out of reach makes an immediate difference in how present I am with people. Being a better listener takes effort — it’s about being intentional and patient. I’m still a very long way from perfect, but progress matters more than perfection. What’s one thing you’ve done to become a better listener? I’m all ears!

You walked out of that meeting thinking it went well. But three days later, the deal fell through. Here’s what happened: You were listening to their words. They were showing you the truth with their body. Research on nonverbal communication shows we transmit a significant amount of our emotional meaning through body language — the micro-expressions, the posture shifts, the way someone angles their chair when they’re actually ready to leave. Yet most of us are walking around half-blind. We catch the obvious signs — crossed arms, eye rolls — but miss the subtle ones that tell the real story. The three cues I watch for in any high-stakes conversation: The Lean Test. When someone is genuinely interested, their body follows their attention. They lean in. Their feet point toward you. If they’re saying yes but angling toward the door, believe the body. The Eyebrow Flash. It’s involuntary — a quick lift that signals recognition and interest. Ethologist Irenaus Eibl-Eibesfeldt documented this across every culture he studied. In the first 2 seconds of meeting someone, this micro-expression tells you if they’re open to connection. The Self-Soothe. When someone touches their neck, plays with their hair, or adjusts their collar repeatedly, their nervous system is seeking comfort. They’re feeling uncertain, even if their words sound confident. Reading people isn’t about becoming a human lie detector. It’s about closing the gap between what someone says and what they feel — so you can respond to the actual conversation happening beneath the surface. What body language cue have you learned to trust over time?

𝗧𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗬𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝗧𝗼𝗼 𝗤𝘂𝗶𝗲𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀? 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗔𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻 🤔 The people I've enjoyed talking to most aren't glossy social butterflies, but those who relish in personal dialogue, diving deeper beneath the surface connection. Truth be told - I've had my fair share of conversational mishaps earlier in my career as a younger sales professional - struggling to engage in any meaningful conversations beyond the weather, & I was left being perceived as an order-taker. 🙈 This seems to be a common problem as these questions keep surfacing in my sessions with sales teams: ❓ Initiating Contact: How do I start a conversation with someone new? ❓ Maintaining Flow: What to do when I run out of things to say? ❓ Building Rapport: How can I connect with someone of a different level? After 12 years in this field, I've discovered the uncomfortable truth – extroverts don't own the monopoly on great conversations. The magic really happens when you're genuinely curious about someone who is different. ☝️ My point? The best conversationalists aren't smooth-talkers – they're the ones who 𝘀𝗵𝘂𝘁 𝘂𝗽 𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗲𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝘁𝗼 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻 & 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗲𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗮𝗴𝗲. Here are some quick bites to nibble on: ✅ Light & Casual - Not everyone opens up at hello. It's not rejection—it's human nature. Keep it light. Aim to connect as a friend rather than impress with your knowledge. The pressure drops, conversation flows. ✅ Genuine curiosity beats performative interest - We can smell fake enthusiasm like week-old sushi. Probe a little rather than topic-hop, which feels like channel surfing. Dive deeper into topic with open-ended questions. ✅ Acknowledge before moving on - No one enjoys conversational whiplash. A simple "That's interesting" before continuing keeps the connection alive. Convo 101: people need to feel heard before they'll share more. ✅ Self-disclosure opens up reciprocity - Share something genuine about yourself—a challenge, an honest insight. Vulnerability invites vulnerability at the RIGHT stage. PS - first meeting is NOT a therapy session. ✅ Engage on emotion, not just information - When someone's communication cue changes, lean in. Ask yourself, "What's this person feeling?" Respond to that & see shallow exchanges become a real connection. So here's to all the "quiet ones" who are actually conversation connoisseurs in disguise. May your next interaction prove that the best dialogues aren't about who talks the most, but who connects the most meaningfully. 🤔 What conversation strategies helps you connect more deeply with people? #EmotionalIntelligence #SalesEQ #Connections This is Cindy Tien, EQ Maven, CSP - Inspiring Sales & Leadership Teams to Strengthen Connections, Conquer Challenges, & Claim their Messages.