Building Confidence and Overcoming SelfDoubt

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐚𝐝𝐯𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐫! “Fake it till you make it." I know because I used to believe in it. I smiled through doubts, nodded in meetings even when I wasn’t sure, and tried to act like I had it all figured out. But let me tell you—it didn’t work. Instead of building confidence, it left me feeling like an impostor in spaces I had already earned. The problem with “Fake it till you make it” is that it encourages you to mask your doubts and avoid asking questions. But in the corporate world, this mindset can backfire. Pretending to know everything won’t earn you respect. It’ll leave you stuck, missing out on growth opportunities, and potentially making costly mistakes. Over my 5+ years in Big 4s, startups, and a regulatory body, I’ve learned that confidence doesn’t come from faking. It comes from showing up authentically. It comes from owning what you know, being honest about what you don’t, and actively seeking to learn and grow. If you’re still figuring out your career, here’s my advice: 📌Ask questions. It shows initiative, not weakness. 📌Admit when you need help—it builds trust. 📌Focus on learning and improving every day—that’s what truly sets you apart. 📌Don’t fake it. Build it. That’s how you create a lasting, successful corporate career. Have you ever felt the pressure to “fake it”? Have you faced this in your career, and how did you handle it? LinkedIn LinkedIn News India LinkedIn Life LinkedIn Guide to Networking #linkedin #growth #mindset #corporate #politics

You're too outspoken." "You should be more likable." "You're coming off as aggressive." Sound familiar? Women in the workplace hear these phrases far too often. These comments, whether subtle or overt, are attempts to silence women and limit our potential. From being talked over in meetings to being passed over for leadership roles, or even labeled as "too emotional" or "too aggressive," the message is clear: shrink yourself to fit in. But here’s the truth: If your voice didn’t have power, no one would care to silence it. Playing small has never changed the world. So remember to never allow anyone to dismiss your confidence as arrogance. There’s a difference: 👉Confidence is knowing your worth and owning your expertise. 👉Arrogance dismisses others. Too often, women are made to believe their confidence is arrogance to keep them small. Don’t fall for it. So, what can we do differently? 👉Speak up—even when it feels uncomfortable. 👉Take space—your presence is invaluable. 👉Advocate for yourself—promotions, raises, and opportunities don’t just come; they’re claimed. 👉Support other women—amplify each other's voices.

You can’t afford a silent personal brand. Doubts cost you freedom, daily. An external force isn't stopping you… It’s the internal illusions you let consume you. ☑ Identify the self-sabotaging behaviors: Spotlight Effect Cringe: Overestimating how many see your posts and judging every word you write. Distraction: Mindless scrolling instead of meaningful engagement. Comparison Trap: Measuring likes, views, and connections against others, fueling insecurity. ☑ Understand the real obstacles: Decision Paralysis: Believing success requires perfect data and strategies before taking action. Personal vs. Useful: Focusing on personal opinions over genuine value for your audience. Vanity Metrics Addiction: Chasing impressions instead of true community-building. ☑ Implement these strategies to combat sabotage: Reality Check: Recognize that not everyone reads (or judges) your every post. Intentional Engagement: Dedicate time to comment, connect, and converse with your network. Self-Comparison: Track your own progress rather than obsessing over others. ☑ Develop a mindset for success: Embrace Imperfection: Learn in public and grow by sharing, not by hiding. Prioritize Value: Offer expertise that genuinely helps others instead of just voicing personal rants. Focus on Connection: Relationships over chasing larger and larger impression counts. ☑ Tools to help you stay on track: Time-Blocking: Schedule engagement sessions so distractions don’t derail you. Confidence Boosters: Keep reminders of past wins visible to fight impostor syndrome. Analytics with Purpose: Measure what matters—impact, relationships, and progress. ☑ Optimize your environment for growth: Supportive Circles: Join groups or masterminds that encourage your LinkedIn journey. Clear Your Feed: Mute, unfollow, or reduce content that triggers comparisons or doubt Structured Routines: Create consistent posting habits to overcome hesitation. ☑ Top tips for maintaining momentum: Post Consistently: Overcome the cringe feeling by taking action repeatedly. Reward Incremental Wins: Celebrate every milestone to keep motivation high. Keep Learning: Seek feedback, refine your approach, and always move forward. ☑ Ensure every action aligns with your goals. Adopt a strategy that includes: Clarity of Purpose: Know whom you serve. Consistent Execution: Show up every day. Resilient Mindset: Obstacles are part of the process. Act despite the illusions. The real villain isn’t out there. It’s within.

Being told you’re “easy to work with” is the worst compliment you could receive. Here’s why: Nine times out of ten, that “compliment” isn’t about your skills or leadership potential. It’s about your ability to shrink so that everyone else can be comfortable. How smoothly you silence your preferences, your truth, your self. How quietly you take on extra work and stay in line (whatever that means). If you're not careful, you'll mistake it for a badge of honor when in reality it's a receipt & proof that you've been paying the likability tax. The likability tax is the unspoken toll women—especially Black women and women of color—pay to be seen as non-threatening, agreeable, and palatable in the workplace. It’s the cost of downplaying your voice and muting your truth in exchange for being “liked.” And it’s expensive. It’s when you smile and nod, even when you disagree. It’s when you say “I’m good either way” when you're actually not. It’s when you edit the deck, run the meeting, take the notes, follow up, and still don't ask for credit because somewhere deep down, you've learned that being liked is safer than being loud. And don’t get it twisted—this isn’t about being a team player. This is about self-erasure dressed up as professionalism. Because we know on some teams, when a woman has a strong opinion, a clear boundary, or ambitious ask she's labeled. Either she's too much, too difficult, too assertive, too entitled, too ______. So instead of speaking up, she's always agreeable, pleasant, and quiet - trading her voice for job security. And what does she get in return? Praise but no promotion. Thanks but no pay increase. Titled "low maintenance" and applauded for her invisible labor. This is how women, especially Black women and women of color—get underpaid, underestimated, and overlooked while being told how “nice” they are to work with. But let’s be clear: Nice doesn’t build equity. Agreeable doesn’t close pay gaps. Being “easy” to work with won’t get you in the rooms where decisions are made. It just ensures you won’t be seen as a threat. So no, you're not thriving sis. You're surviving. And you're tired of downplaying your contributions so that others feel comfortable. Tired of working twice as hard and getting half the credit. Tired of claiming it's “teamwork” when it’s really just a masterclass in self-sacrifice. When you're as good as you are, certain people benefit from you being quiet than they do from you speaking up. You don't need to be easier to work with. They need to be better at working with women like you. The next time someone says, “You’re so easy to work with,” ask yourself why. You just may be paying the likability tax. — Found this valuable? Make sure to ♻️ repost because friends don’t let friends miss out on helpful content! Want to work with us? Book your Fulfilled Career Clarity Call here - isimemen.com/start

As a psychologist, I’ve had the privilege of working with top athletes, actors, and corporate leaders at the peak of their game. And yet—despite the accolades, despite the success—there’s a common thread I see far too often: They believe that the next achievement will finally silence the voice that whispers, “You’re not enough.” But it never does. Why? Because ambition that’s rooted in inadequacy is a bottomless pit. No matter how much you pour in, it never fills. True ambition isn’t about proving your worth. It’s about knowing you already have it. After years of working closely with high performers, I’ve noticed something powerful: The most fulfilled individuals don’t chase worthiness. They operate from it. And they live by three core principles: They chase mastery, not approval: If your goal is to silence self-doubt with success, it will never work. The inner critic doesn't quiet down. It just raises the bar. But when you focus on mastery for its own sake, success stops being a desperate pursuit and starts being a natural result. They practice ruthless self-respect: Not indulgent self-care. Ruthless self-respect. The kind that refuses to let self-criticism run wild. They don't allow themselves to be treated poorly, especially by their own thoughts. They measure progress by their own growth, not by others' success: Comparison is a losing game. There will always be someone ahead, always a new level to chase. But the moment you shift your focus inward—to your evolution and your growth—you take control of the game. Ambition isn't the problem. But when it comes from a place of emptiness, it will consume you. When it comes from a place of inherent worthiness and true desire, it will elevate you. So ask yourself: Is my ambition building me up or breaking me down? That answer will determine whether ambition becomes your greatest strength or an endless trap. #psychology #success #mindset #learning #growth

What’s really holding you back? Spoiler alert: It’s not your skills. How many times have you felt like you’re not up for the job? That you’re not qualified? Or that someone else could do it better? Here’s the reality: ➡️ 13% of employees and 20% of senior managers admit they frequently feel like a fraud. ➡️ 54% of women report experiencing imposter syndrome, compared to 38% of men. I get it, because I’ve been there. I used to struggle with being visible - giving speeches, creating content online, even doing TV interviews. Despite decades of experience, there was always a little voice in my head whispering: “Do people really want to hear from you? What if they laugh at you?” Here’s the truth: It’s not based on facts - it’s just the noise in our heads. Here’s how you can overcome imposter syndrome and show up like you deserve to: 1/ The Imposter Loop ↳ You doubt every win and question every achievement. ↳ Own your story: You earned your seat at the table. ↳ Write down three wins you’re proud of. Seeing them silences the noise. 2/ The Permission Trap ↳ You wait to feel ready or for someone to say “go.” ↳ Stop waiting: Start before you’re ready. ↳ Set a deadline and commit publicly - action builds momentum faster than waiting for confidence to strike. 3/ The Comparison Game ↳ You stalk others’ success and compare your chapter 1 to their chapter 20. ↳ Run your own race: Their doubts, fears, and failures aren’t in the highlight reel. ↳ Unfollow or mute accounts that trigger self-doubt. Focus on progress, not perfection. 4/ The Perfectionism Loop ↳ You polish endless drafts, overthink every detail, and never feel “good enough.” ↳ Launch at 80%: Fix it in flight. Done is better than perfect. ↳ Set a timer for your next task and stop when it’s ‘good enough.’ Progress beats perfection every time. 5/ The Silence Spiral ↳ You keep your struggles hidden and pretend you’ve got it all figured out. ↳ Share your story: You’ll be surprised how many people say “me too.” ↳ Find a peer or mentor and share one struggle you’re facing. Vulnerability builds connection. 6/ The Safety Net ↳ You stay in your comfort zone and call it “being realistic.” ↳ Take the leap: Growth lives outside your comfort zone. ↳ Identify one “safe” habit you’re clinging to. Replace it with one bold action, no matter how small. 7/ The Knowledge Shield ↳ You hide behind preparation, waiting to know “just one more thing.” ↳ Start doing: Expertise comes from action. ↳ Turn learning into doing: Commit to acting on one idea from the last book, course, or workshop you completed. What would be possible if you silenced those doubts once and for all? For me, it meant saying yes to opportunities I used to avoid - like speaking on stage and sharing my story. ⤵️ Have you ever felt like a fraud despite your accomplishments? How did you work through it? ♻️ Share this post to remind someone they’re not alone. 🔔 Follow me, Jen Blandos, for advice on business, entrepreneurship, and well-being.

I spent the first 5 years of my career thinking I was being polite. In reality, I was undermining my worth: "Sorry, can I just ask..." "I might be wrong, but..." "This is probably a dumb question..." Sound familiar? I was sabotaging my own authority — and didn't even realize it. 🥲 Your words tell people how to treat you. And the language that feels “polite” early in your career can quietly hold you back later. Here are 7 phrases that make you sound junior (and what leaders say instead): 1️⃣ "Sorry to bother you..." Say instead: "Do you have 5 minutes to discuss X?" Leaders value their time and yours. Be direct. 2️⃣ "I think maybe we should..." Say instead: "I recommend we..." Own your expertise. You were hired for your judgment. 3️⃣ "Does that make sense?" Say instead: "Happy to answer any questions." Assume clarity. Let others flag confusion if needed. 4️⃣ "I'm not sure if this is right..." Say instead: "Based on my analysis..." Make a confident recommendation based on the information you have. 5️⃣ "Just a quick thought..." Say instead: "I've been thinking about X and here's my take..." Take out unnecessary qualifiers. 6️⃣ "Ugh so sorry for the delay..." Say instead: "Thanks for your patience!" Turn apologies into appreciation. It changes the entire dynamic. 7️⃣ "I'll try to get it done..." Say instead: "I'll have it to you by [date]." Trying is hoping. Committing builds trust. Start speaking like the leader you want to be. ✨ Which phrase are you guilty of overusing? * * * * * * 👋 I'm Lorraine—keynote speaker and bestselling author. I help rising leaders build an unforgettable presence and stand out at work. Follow for more actionable career tips! ♻️ Reshare if this resonated with you! 📘 PS: Want more communication scripts that command respect? Check out my book, 𝙐𝙣𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙋𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚: https://amzn.to/3Hdv79r

When you’re just starting your career, the biggest trap isn’t lack of skills, it’s letting your early career show up as underconfidence. My top tip: don’t just show up, lead with curiosity. This is something I’ve been following since 2019, right when I started my career. Within my first year at IBM, I was able to set up a meeting with Rob Thomas (SVP at the time) to discuss product vision and how data science and AI tools could be incorporated into IBM’s product lines. That didn’t happen because I had years of experience, I had none. It happened because I emailed him with specific details: I showed my work from internships, sent clear questions, and laid out an agenda of what I wanted to discuss. That clarity and preparation made it worth his time. And that principle has stayed with me ever since. Even today, when I meet VPs, CTOs, or startup founders, I make sure I’m not just there to listen, I come in with intention. Here’s how you can apply this: → Share something you’ve read (a new framework, case study, or article). Lead with, “I came across this, what’s your perspective?” → Ask open-ended questions that spark discussion, not just answers. → Reframe introductions. Instead of “I’m new,” try “I’ve been exploring X, curious how your team approaches it.” → Capture your learnings. After a talk, paper, or shadowing session, write 2–3 takeaways and share them, it signals thought leadership. → Remember: humility doesn’t mean invisibility. What’s funny is that sometimes when I’m speaking with top leadership, they’ll say, “Oh, I didn’t know about that.” That’s validation: years of experience aren’t the only currency. Your curiosity, preparation, and ability to share knowledge are equally powerful. Early in your career, people don’t expect you to have all the answers. But they do notice if you bring ideas, energy, and intent into the room. Confidence isn’t about pretending you know everything, it’s about showing you’re hungry to learn, and making others want to learn with you.