Reading Between The Lines

At Radical Candor, I often hear the question, "How do I know if my feedback is landing?" The answer is simple but not always easy: Radical Candor is measured not at your mouth, but at the listener’s ear. It’s not about what you said, it’s about how the other person heard it and whether it led to meaningful dialogue and growth. Before you start giving feedback, remember the Radical Candor order of operations: get feedback before you give it. The best way to understand how another person thinks is to ask them directly and reward their candor. Next, give praise that is specific and sincere. This helps remind you what you appreciate about your colleagues, so when you do offer criticism, you can do it in the spirit of being helpful to someone you care about. When giving feedback, start in a neutral place. Don't begin at the outer edge of Challenge Directly, as this might come across as Obnoxious Aggression. Just make sure you're above the line on Care Personally and clear about what you're saying. Pay attention to how the other person responds - are they receptive, defensive, sad, or angry? Their reaction will guide your next steps. If someone becomes sad or angry, this is your cue to move up on the Care Personally dimension. Don't back off your challenge - that leads to Ruinous Empathy. Instead, acknowledge the emotion you're noticing: 'It seems like I've upset you.' Remember that emotions are natural and inevitable at work. Sometimes just giving voice to them helps both people cope better. If someone isn't hearing your feedback or brushing it off, you'll need to move further out on Challenge Directly. This can feel uncomfortable, but remember - clear is kind. You might say, 'I want to make sure I'm being as clear as possible' or 'I don't feel like I'm being clear.' Use 'I' statements and come prepared with specific examples. Most importantly, don't get discouraged if feedback conversations sometimes go sideways. We tend to remember the one time feedback went wrong and forget the nine times it helped someone improve and strengthened our relationship. Focus on optimizing for those nine successes rather than avoiding the one potential difficult conversation. Creating a culture of feedback takes time and practice. Each conversation is an opportunity to get better at both giving and receiving feedback. When you get it right, feedback becomes a powerful tool for building stronger relationships and achieving better results together. What’s one small adjustment you’ve made to give or receive better feedback? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

I’ve been thinking a lot about feedback, not the kind we schedule once a year, but the kind that actually shapes how safe people feel to show up. For neurodivergent people, feedback isn’t neutral. Rejection-sensitive dysphoria means even small corrections can land like a personal rejection. In one 2023 review, up to 70 percent of ADHD and AuDHD adults reported intense emotional pain in response to perceived criticism (Halgin & Whitbourne, 2020). It matters, because how feedback is delivered directly impacts wellbeing. Research shows that negative feedback rarely improves performance, while high-quality, specific, and positive feedback drives measurable gains (Goller & Späth, 2023). And yet, neurodivergent employees are 40 percent more likely to disengage when feedback feels unsafe or unpredictable (Hennekam et al., 2023). If you want a play-by-play on what brilliant feedback looks like, even when the message isn’t easy, my manager wins hands down (Louise). They model what the data keeps telling us: feedback lands best when it’s timely, kind, and clear. They lead with empathy and precision, and it changes everything. Because feedback should never leave someone flinching. It should leave them feeling seen, and ready to grow.

You walked out of that meeting thinking it went well. But three days later, the deal fell through. Here’s what happened: You were listening to their words. They were showing you the truth with their body. Research on nonverbal communication shows we transmit a significant amount of our emotional meaning through body language — the micro-expressions, the posture shifts, the way someone angles their chair when they’re actually ready to leave. Yet most of us are walking around half-blind. We catch the obvious signs — crossed arms, eye rolls — but miss the subtle ones that tell the real story. The three cues I watch for in any high-stakes conversation: The Lean Test. When someone is genuinely interested, their body follows their attention. They lean in. Their feet point toward you. If they’re saying yes but angling toward the door, believe the body. The Eyebrow Flash. It’s involuntary — a quick lift that signals recognition and interest. Ethologist Irenaus Eibl-Eibesfeldt documented this across every culture he studied. In the first 2 seconds of meeting someone, this micro-expression tells you if they’re open to connection. The Self-Soothe. When someone touches their neck, plays with their hair, or adjusts their collar repeatedly, their nervous system is seeking comfort. They’re feeling uncertain, even if their words sound confident. Reading people isn’t about becoming a human lie detector. It’s about closing the gap between what someone says and what they feel — so you can respond to the actual conversation happening beneath the surface. What body language cue have you learned to trust over time?

Sometimes the person with the most potential is not the one getting the most attention. In my research on high achievers, from Nobel Prize winners to Olympians and astronauts, one pattern shows up again and again. Early signals of potential are often subtle, uneven, and easy to misread. That is where many leaders get it wrong. We reward consistency and polish, and we overlook growth in progress. If you want to spot high potential earlier, you have to separate what you know from what you are assuming. Here is a quick way to test your judgment 👇 Think of one person on your team. Not your obvious top performer. Choose someone you are still figuring out. Now ask yourself: 🔍 What have I actually observed? Not impressions. Not reputation. What specific behaviors have I directly seen? 🧠 Where might I be making assumptions? Are you inferring their motivation, ambition, or ability without clear evidence? 📈 How am I interpreting uneven performance? Growth is rarely linear. What looks inconsistent may actually be someone stretching into a new level of capability. 🚀 What signals of potential are present? Look for three patterns I consistently see in top performers: • They volunteer for work they have never done before • They improve quickly after feedback • They think beyond their role and connect ideas across teams Even one of these is a strong signal. 📊 How much data do I really have? Are you forming this judgment based on a few moments, or a pattern over time? Now make it actionable. Choose one way to test your assumption this week. Give them a stretch assignment. Ask them to walk you through their thinking. Or observe how they learn in real time. High potential does not always look polished. But if you know what to look for, you can recognize it while it is still developing. ✦ ✦ ✦ Dr Ruth Gotian is a scholar and keynote speaker on success and high performance. Press follow and set the 🔔 to "Always" to learn how the world's highest achievers succeed, and you can too.

Over the past 20 years, I've had the opportunity to work with the world's best leaders. Here’s the truth I’ve seen across every industry, team, and culture: Emotionally intelligent leaders don’t fear criticism. Most people don’t struggle with criticism because of the words being said; they struggle because of the emotions those words trigger. They use it. They turn feedback into fuel. Here’s how you can handle criticism with emotional intelligence: 1) Don’t react Work on self-regulating. Pause for 2–3 seconds. Breathe. Let the emotional spike settle. Instant reactions destroy clarity. Regulated responses create it. 2) Separate the message from the emotion. Ask yourself: What part of this feedback is valuable? What’s not? Self-awareness turns defensiveness into insight. 3) Assume positive intent, even when it’s hard. Most people aren’t trying to attack you. They’re trying to be heard. This mindset shift can transform high-performing teams. 4) Get curious, not combative. Say: “Help me understand what you’re seeing.” Questions lower tensions; curiosity opens doors. 5) Take ownership of your part. Emotionally intelligent leaders reflect, adjust, and move forward. 6) Use criticism to grow your leadership presence. Every piece of feedback is data about: • How you’re showing up • How others experience you • How you can communicate more effectively Criticism is an opportunity reflect, grow and respond with confidence. If you want to lead with influence, trust, and emotional maturity, mastering this skill is non-negotiable. What’s one strategy that has helped you handle tough feedback more effectively? Follow me, Christopher D. Connors, for more insights on how to lead with emotional intelligence.

"The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said." – Peter Drucker After years in this profession, I've developed the ability to quickly assess the mood of my audience—whether they’re enjoying the training, feeling restless, or fully engaged. This skill comes with experience, as over time, we become more adept at reading the subtle cues in body language that reveal the true feelings of those we’re speaking to. Are you able to read the #bodylanguage of the people you're interacting with?🤔 Being a great communicator goes beyond just words—it's about understanding all facets of our interaction with people. One of the most valuable skills in #effectivecommunication is the ability to read #bodylanguage. By paying attention to non-verbal cues, we can gauge the comfort level of the person we’re speaking with and adjust our approach accordingly. A smile, a nod, or even a slight shift in posture can speak volumes. When we understand these signals, we not only create a more comfortable environment but also build deeper connections. Here are a few tips to get better at reading non-verbal cues: ✨Observe #FacialExpressions: Notice micro-expressions like raised eyebrows or a slight frown. These often reveal true emotions that words might not convey. ✨Pay Attention to #Posture: A person’s stance can indicate their level of confidence, openness, or discomfort. ✨Observe #EyeContact: The amount and type of eye contact can reveal interest, trust, or even anxiety. ✨#Listen to #Tone of #Voice: The way words are spoken can change their meaning. A soft tone can show empathy, while a firm one might express confidence. ✨Watch for #Gestures: Hand movements, whether open or closed, can signal whether someone is feeling defensive or engaged By improving our ability to read these #nonverbalcues, we enhance our #communicationskills and develop meaningful interactions. Are there any other tips you would offer for improving the ability to read body language? #CommunicationSkills #BodyLanguage #EffectiveCommunication #Leadership

“Can I give you some feedback?” My stomach drops. “What did I do wrong?” “Am I in trouble?” “Do they regret hiring me?” “Is this the beginning of the end?” They haven’t even finished the sentence. Welcome to Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD). For many ADHD and autistic professionals, feedback doesn’t land as neutral data. It lands as threat. Not because we’re fragile. Not because we can’t grow. Not because we don’t want accountability. But because our nervous system reacts before logic gets a vote. What leaders often intend: 📌 Improvement 📌 Refinement 📌 Development What some neurodivergent brains hear: 🚨 Rejection 🚨 Failure 🚨 Loss of belonging And when that gap isn’t understood? People mask. Over-apologise. Over-work. Over-achieve. Burn out trying to prove they’re still “enough.” Here’s what helps: ✔ Start with clarity: “This isn’t about your performance overall.” ✔ Separate behaviour from identity ✔ Be specific, not global ✔ Avoid vague tone shifts (“we need to talk…”) ✔ Offer written follow-up to reduce rumination ✔ Invite processing time And for neurodivergent professionals: You’re not “too sensitive.” Your brain just processes social threat differently. The goal isn’t to avoid feedback. It’s to deliver it in a way that doesn’t activate survival mode. Leaders, what has improved how feedback lands in your team? Neurodivergent professionals, what makes feedback feel safe for you? #ADHDAtWork #AutismAtWork #InclusiveLeadership #Neurodiversity #RSD #BelongingNotFittingIn #LeadershipDevelopment

I’ve found myself navigating meetings when a colleague or team member is emotionally overwhelmed. One person came to me like a fireball, angry and frustrated. A peer had triggered them deeply. After recognizing that I needed to shift modes, I took a breath and said, “Okay, tell me what's happening.” I realized they didn’t want a solution. I thought to myself: They must still be figuring out how to respond and needed time to process. They are trusting me to help. I need to listen. In these moments, people often don’t need solutions; they need presence. There are times when people are too flooded with feelings to answer their own questions. This can feel counterintuitive in the workplace, where our instincts are tuned to solve, fix, and move forward. But leadership isn’t just about execution; it’s also about emotional regulation and providing psychological safety. When someone approaches you visibly upset, your job isn’t to immediately analyze or correct. Instead, your role is to listen, ground the space, and ensure they feel heard. This doesn't mean abandoning accountability or ownership; quite the opposite. When people feel safe, they’re more likely to engage openly in dialogue. The challenging part is balancing reassurance without minimizing the issue, lowering standards, or compromising team expectations. There’s also a potential trap: eventually, you'll need to shift from emotional containment to clear, kind feedback. But that transition should come only after the person feels genuinely heard, not before. Timing matters. Trust matters. If someone is spinning emotionally, be the steady presence. Be the one who notices. Allow them to guide the pace. Then, after the storm passes, and only then, you can invite reflection and growth. This is how you build a high-trust, high-performance culture: one conversation, one moment of grounded leadership at a time.

🌍 Mastering Nonverbal Cues in Global Workplaces 🤝 Ever felt like a conversation should be going well, but something just feels… off? 🤔 Imagine leading a global team meeting. One employee stays silent, while another nods frequently—but later, you find out the silent employee felt dismissed, and the nodding one actually disagreed with your proposal. 😬 The truth is that nonverbal communication varies across cultures, and when misunderstood, it can lead to confusion and a breakdown in trust and collaboration. 💡 Now, imagine a workplace where everyone feels seen, heard, and respected—where silence, gestures, and eye contact are understood as cultural nuances rather than miscommunications. This is achievable when you make nonverbal awareness part of your cultural competence development strategy. Here’s a quick guide to navigating nonverbal cues in global workplaces: 1️⃣ Recognize That Silence Speaks Volumes In some cultures, silence signals respect and thoughtfulness, while in others, it may indicate discomfort or disengagement. Instead of assuming, create space for follow-up by saying, “I’d love to hear your thoughts when you’re ready.” 2️⃣ Decode Eye Contact Expectations While steady eye contact may signal confidence in Western workplaces, it can be perceived as challenging or disrespectful in some Asian or Middle Eastern cultures. Encourage flexibility and awareness, ensuring employees feel respected regardless of their cultural background. 3️⃣ Adapt Your Gestures Wisely A simple thumbs-up 👍 may mean “great job” in the U.S., but in parts of the Middle East, it’s offensive. Instead of relying on gestures, clarify meaning through words and be mindful of cultural differences. When in doubt, observe before assuming. 4️⃣ Pay Attention to Personal Space Some cultures prefer close proximity during conversations, while others value more space. Be adaptable in meetings and interactions—when in doubt, mirror the other person’s comfort level to foster positive engagement. 5️⃣ Lead with Curiosity, Not Assumptions Encourage an open dialogue about cultural differences in your team. A simple question like, “How do people in your culture typically show agreement or disagreement?” can create a culture of learning and respect rather than confusion or frustration. 🚀 Let’s Build a More Inclusive Workplace Nonverbal awareness isn’t just a soft skill—it’s a powerful strategy that fosters engagement, belonging, and trust. If you’re ready to take the next step, let’s talk! #InclusiveLeadership #GlobalWorkplace #CulturalCompetence #NonverbalCommunication

HCPs are often polite, busy, and tired—which is why most reps completely misread “interest.” If you’ve been in MedTech long enough, you’ve walked out of a call thinking, “𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘵… 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘨𝘰 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦.” Then nothing happens. They don't call. No case gets booked. And when you try to follow-up, it sounds like, "𝘖𝘩, 𝘺𝘦𝘢𝘩...𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵. 𝘞𝘦'𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥." Before you bet this quarter's quota on a prospect's "interest," understand the reality: 𝗠𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝘀 𝗹𝗮𝗯𝗲𝗹 𝗮𝘀 “𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁” 𝗶𝘀 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗳𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘁𝗲𝘀𝘆. Here are signals reps love to hear that don’t mean anything: • “Looks interesting.” • “Send me something.” • “Yeah, we can look at it sometime.” • Nods while scrolling on their phone. What does it really mean? “𝘐’𝘮 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦—𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘪𝘵.” If you're not hearing real buying signals, it means you have more work to do. Here's what the real ones look like: ➡️They ask a procedural question instead of a product question. “How would this change my workflow when I’m doing X?” This means they’re imagining themselves using it. ➡️They bring someone else into the conversation. When they pull in an MA, PA, or scrub tech, that’s not small talk—that’s internal alignment starting. ➡️They commit to a next step without you pushing. Not “Let me think about it.” But…“I have a case on Thursday—could you have it available?” ➡️They share a frustration you didn’t ask for. For example, surgeons don’t vent casually. If they open up about a workflow issue, they’re telling you exactly where your product might fit. Once you recognize these buying signals, instead of wasting time on maybes, you can focus on real opportunities that lead to sales. 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗹𝘀𝗲 𝗯𝘂𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝗶𝗴𝗻𝗮𝗹𝘀 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝘃𝗲 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗶𝗴𝗻𝗼𝗿𝗲?