Strengthening Leadership Presence with Emotional Skills

🤏🏼 It takes so little for men to be trusted as leaders 🤏🏼 And it takes so little for women to be questioned as one. When I took my first Senior Director role in Germany, deep in the male-dominated automotive world, my future boss and I had a quiet heart-to-heart. “Jingjin, in this world, women in power are seen in only two ways: The Victim or The Villain. There is no third option, at least not yet. Which one you choose will define your entire leadership path.” I said I’d be a Victor. Naively believing performance alone would protect me. It didn’t. Because Leadership isn’t just about competence. It’s about perception. And perception for women is often rigged. 🔻 Be firm → You're a bitch 🔻 Be soft → You're weak 🔻 Be nurturing → You're not tough enough 🔻 Be assertive → You’re intimidating 🔻 Be collaborative → You lack authority 🔻 Show ambition → You’re self-serving 🔻 Set boundaries → You’re difficult 🔻 Show emotion → You’re unstable Meanwhile, men doing the exact same things are seen as confident, visionary, and decisive. The game isn't fair, but it can be hacked. 💥 Here’s how I’ve learned to play it smarter, not smaller: 1️⃣ Stop aiming to be liked. Aim to be trusted. Do this instead of people-pleasing: set 3 non-negotiables (response time, meeting prep, decision rights) and tell your team. Close every loop: “As promised, delivered X by Fri; next: Y by Wed.” Say no with options: “To deliver A by 15 Oct, we drop B or move C to Nov, what’s your pick?” 2️⃣ Use duality to your advantage. Be warm in tone, cold in logic.“Thanks for the push, bottom line: delay = €120k burn; I recommend Option B.”  Kind in delivery, fierce in boundaries, say kindly: “Happy to help; I can take two items, not five. Which two matter most?” 3️⃣ Make allies before you need them Map five: your boss, their boss, Finance, Legal, one influential peer. Give each a monthly micro-win (early heads-up, a clean slide, a risk you catch). Pre-wire asks: “In tomorrow’s review, if this comes up, can you anchor it back to my team’s Q2 analysis?” Send a 3-line update monthly: “Where we are / risk / what I need.” Deposits before withdrawals. 4️⃣ Own the label, then flip it. Pre-empt: “I’ll be direct so we can decide in 20 minutes, stop me anytime.” State the elephant in the room: “Yes, I’m intense, that’s how we hit targets. Here’s the plan, owners, and dates.” If poked: “I hear ‘difficult’; what I’m being is clear. With a budget we deliver B by 30 Nov; without it, we pause. Which path?” 🚀 If you want to install these moves step-by-step with scripts, templates, and real case breakdowns, our signature online program “From Hidden Talent to Visible Leader” is now available on demand (opened by popular demand for those who missed the live cohort). Check out here: https://lnkd.in/g--zEGZS 👉 Because being good at the job and being seen as good at the job are two different jobs...

Here’s what I learned from researching why there are so few senior women.. In the late 1990s, I undertook a major research project examining why a prominent tech organisation had minimal women in senior leadership. 💡 The conclusion challenged assumptions: the company wasn't discriminating. Instead, their entire operational culture - policies, promotion processes, unwritten norms - favoured a single archetype. The 'work hard, play hard' employee for whom work was life. This model suited some individuals. But it excluded many capable people and, critically, didn't optimise performance or business outcomes. And this is the case in countless organisations today. The recommendations then focused on structural interventions: flexible working arrangements, equitable parental leave, transparent promotion criteria. Various organisations implemented some of these changes. Twenty-five years later, the evidence suggests limited impact. Women CEOs declined from 28% to 19% between 2023 and 2024 (Grant Thornton International Business Report, 2024). Progress has reversed. Through three decades of resilience research, organisational consulting, and executive coaching, I've observed a consistent pattern: ❗Accomplished women leaders are declining senior positions. Not from inability or lack of ambition, but through informed choice about unsustainable cultural demands and behavioural norms. ❌ They're declining cultures that require suppressing their humanity, carrying disproportionate caring responsibilities, conforming to narrow leadership templates, prioritising short-term metrics over sustainable success, and excluding emotional intelligence from professional competence. The business case for change is robust. Research demonstrates that gender-diverse executive teams consistently outperform homogeneous ones across multiple performance indicators. But we can't achieve that diversity by simply setting targets while continuing to reward the same narrow set of behaviours. We must fundamentally alter what we recruit for and reward, and the psychological safety to be human. Hustle culture doesn't optimise performance - it degrades it. Exhausted brains make worse decisions. Burnout isn't a badge of honour; it's a design flaw. ✅ We need work cultures built for how humans actually thrive. Where empathy and emotional intelligence are assets, not liabilities. Where having a life outside work isn't seen as lack of commitment. Where multiple leadership styles are valued. This isn't gender opposition - it's about recognising that balanced leadership perspectives create healthier organisational ecosystems. For everyone. If we aspire to organisations that genuinely thrive and contribute positively to broader society, we need culture redesign based on human sustainability, not inherited industrial models. ⁉️ The question isn't why women decline these opportunities. It's why our leadership cultures make that the sensible response.

Memoirs of a Gully Boys Episode 37: #EmotionalIntelligence – The Key to Meaningful Leadership Leadership isn’t just about strategy and execution; it’s about understanding, connecting with, and inspiring people. Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to recognize and manage not only your emotions but also those of others. Over the years, I’ve learned that while technical skills can get you started, it’s emotional intelligence that keeps you ahead. Leading with Empathy During a critical system overhaul, one of my most skilled team members began missing deadlines and appearing disengaged. Instead of reprimanding him, I called for a private conversation. It turned out he was struggling with a personal issue that was affecting his focus. Rather than pushing harder, I offered him flexibility and reassigned some tasks to lighten his load. Within weeks, his performance rebounded, and his gratitude translated into renewed dedication to the project. Lesson 1: Empathy isn’t a weakness in leadership—it’s the strength that builds loyalty and trust. The Art of Active Listening In a client negotiation years ago, tensions were high due to differing expectations. The meeting began with both sides defensive and unwilling to compromise. Instead of countering every point, I focused on actively listening to their concerns without interrupting. Once they felt heard, their stance softened, and we found common ground to move forward. That day, I realized that listening is not just about hearing words—it’s about understanding emotions, intentions, and the bigger picture. Lesson 2: Active listening dissolves barriers and creates pathways for collaboration. Regulating Emotions in High-Stress Situations During a complex software migration, an unexpected system failure triggered panic among stakeholders. As the project lead, I felt the pressure mounting. However, instead of reacting impulsively, I paused, analyzed the situation, and communicated a clear action plan. Keeping emotions in check not only reassured the team but also set the tone for a calm and focused recovery effort. The project was back on track within days, and the team’s confidence grew as a result. Lesson 3: Emotional regulation isn’t about suppressing feelings—it’s about channeling them effectively to lead under pressure. The Power of Recognition Emotional intelligence also lies in recognizing and appreciating people’s contributions. During a grueling project, I made it a point to acknowledge every team member’s effort, no matter how small. The simple act of recognition boosted morale and created a sense of shared ownership. When the project was completed successfully, the celebration felt more collective than individual—a testament to the power of emotional intelligence in fostering unity. Lesson 4: Recognition fuels motivation and strengthens connections within teams. Closing Thoughts Emotional intelligence is the bridge between leadership and humanity. To be continued...

I’ve found myself navigating meetings when a colleague or team member is emotionally overwhelmed. One person came to me like a fireball, angry and frustrated. A peer had triggered them deeply. After recognizing that I needed to shift modes, I took a breath and said, “Okay, tell me what's happening.” I realized they didn’t want a solution. I thought to myself: They must still be figuring out how to respond and needed time to process. They are trusting me to help. I need to listen. In these moments, people often don’t need solutions; they need presence. There are times when people are too flooded with feelings to answer their own questions. This can feel counterintuitive in the workplace, where our instincts are tuned to solve, fix, and move forward. But leadership isn’t just about execution; it’s also about emotional regulation and providing psychological safety. When someone approaches you visibly upset, your job isn’t to immediately analyze or correct. Instead, your role is to listen, ground the space, and ensure they feel heard. This doesn't mean abandoning accountability or ownership; quite the opposite. When people feel safe, they’re more likely to engage openly in dialogue. The challenging part is balancing reassurance without minimizing the issue, lowering standards, or compromising team expectations. There’s also a potential trap: eventually, you'll need to shift from emotional containment to clear, kind feedback. But that transition should come only after the person feels genuinely heard, not before. Timing matters. Trust matters. If someone is spinning emotionally, be the steady presence. Be the one who notices. Allow them to guide the pace. Then, after the storm passes, and only then, you can invite reflection and growth. This is how you build a high-trust, high-performance culture: one conversation, one moment of grounded leadership at a time.

When you’ve worked so hard to reach the top, why does self-doubt creep in even stronger? For many successful women leaders, loneliness and isolation at the top can amplify feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, commonly known as imposter syndrome. Even the most accomplished leaders get affected by this. As I climbed the ladder in my leadership journey, I expected to find greater confidence and validation. However, reaching the top brought about an unsettling mix of self-doubt and isolation. The paradox of feeling successful yet profoundly disconnected. Looking back, I can see some of the things that fuelled this sense of disconnect. This included lack of relatable peers locally (being CEO at 32),, the increased pressure to build on the work of my predecessor, fewer opportunities for honest reflection with trusted peers, and the absence of a sounding board to bounce off the high stakes decisions. Thankfully, loneliness doesn’t have to be a permanent part of leadership. As woman in leadership, you can combat both isolation and imposter syndrome by building intentional support networks and seeking mentors who can relate to their unique struggles. So, in addition to the list from yesterday, here are a few more on some of the ways to reclaim your confidence and connection. 1. Engaging in women's leadership groups. Professional groups focused on women in leadership provide spaces to connect with others who understand the specific challenges of being a woman at the top. These communities offer valuable reassurance and validation that help women combat feelings of inadequacy and gain strength from shared experiences. Some of the communities I have seen here on LinkedIn include The Ladies Book Breakfast Forum, WOMEN IN HR KENYA, and Women On Boards Network Kenya among others. Search for your industry group and be part of its activities and engagements. 2. Seek out mentorship   A trusted mentor can be a powerful ally against imposter syndrome. By connecting with someone who has walked a similar path, you can gain perspective from someone else's own journey and learn strategies to manage self-doubt. Mentorship also helps reinforce their accomplishments and provides guidance, helping them see themselves as competent and capable. 3. Finally, practice self-validation techniques.   Journaling, self-affirmations, or setting aside time to celebrate achievements can help counter the negative self-talk that loneliness and imposter syndrome trigger. Remember who you are. Recognize and acknowledge personal wins, no matter how small. These help to foster your confidence and reduces reliance on external validation. In this journey, success and self-belief can thrive together. Imposter syndrome can make the journey to success feel lonely and filled with self-doubt, but it doesn’t have to be this way. What are other networks available here on LinkedIn? Tag and help a sister 😀 #africa #leadershipdevelopment #professionalwomen #personaldevelopment #

So many of us are constantly evaluating ourselves through the lens of how others experience us. Do I seem confident enough? Was I assertive without being aggressive? Am I making the right impression? It’s an exhausting loop. And the question many of us default to…how do people experience me as a leader? I love how someone framed it at HBS a few weeks ago. She said a more powerful question is: “How do people feel about themselves when they experience me?” I haven’t stopped thinking about that. Because the best leaders, the ones who actually create lasting impact, aren’t the ones who leave a room with everyone admiring them. They’re the ones who leave others feeling more confident, more seen, more powerful. We’re not just leading. We’re creating new models of leadership. Ones that don’t rely on command and control, but on connection and expansion. So if you’re a leader (or a leader in the making), ask yourself: → How do people feel after they’ve been in a room with me? → Do they feel more like themselves or less? → Do they feel empowered or diminished? Leadership isn’t just about presence. It’s about the kind of presence that gives other people permission to rise. #leadership #presence

Hard truth: Most leaders fail their teams during uncertain times. Not because they make bad decisions - But because they disappear when their teams need them most. I've been that leader. Thinking I needed all the answers... Only to create a vacuum filled with anxiety, speculation, and fear. Leadership is easy when things are going well. It matters most when the going gets rough. And here's what your team actually needs from you: Not perfection. Not all the answers. Just your presence and support. This means: • Saying "I don't know yet, and here's what we're doing to find out" • Listening without immediately jumping to solutions • Sharing what you can, when you can—even if it's incomplete • Maintaining optimism while acknowledging real challenges • Showing up consistently, especially when it's uncomfortable 6 ways to put this into practice: 𝟭. 𝗟𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗹𝘆 (𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗟𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻) Ask "Do you want me to just listen, or would you like help solving this?" Try: Set up an anonymous feedback channel 𝟮. 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘀𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗹𝘆 (𝗔𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗔𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻) Even “no update” is an update. You’re only halfway communicated when you feel done. 𝟯. 𝗖𝘂𝗹𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗢𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗶𝘀𝗺 (𝗪𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗖𝗵𝗲𝗰𝗸𝘀) Start your next meeting with wins. Create a shared space (Slack channel, doc) where the team posts progress. The flywheel: Optimism → Action → Progress → Confidence → More Optimism 𝟰. 𝗞𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗧𝗲𝗮𝗺 𝗙𝗼𝗰𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗱 (𝗢𝗻 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗹) Draw the Control Circle: What do we control, influence, or just observe? Invest 80% of your energy in what you 𝘰𝘸𝘯. 𝟱. 𝗗𝗼𝘂𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗗𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝗼𝗻 𝗘𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗵𝘆 Ask these 4 questions in 1:1s: • What excites you? • What worries you? • What support do you need? • What’s in your way? 𝟲. 𝗕𝗲 𝗔𝘃𝗮𝗶𝗹𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗩𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗲 Host office hours and “ask me anything” sessions. Presence builds trust. 𝗥𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿: You can't pour from an empty cup. Prioritize your own well-being—it's not selfish, it's essential for your team's success. Your team can handle uncertainty. They can't handle feeling abandoned in it. Start with one action. Build from there. What would you add to this list? 💾 Save this post for when you’ll need it.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗖𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝗛𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗔𝗻𝘆𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗔𝗯𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗠𝗲 𝗪𝗵𝗼 𝗟𝗼𝗼𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝗟𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗠𝗲 Women in Tech are in minority. But as a woman leader, an AI infrastructure expert and an ex-particle physicist, I have experienced being the only woman in the room at yet another level. Not only have I only reported to men over the course of my career: 👉 The whole chain of command above me has always only been men. 👉 I've always worked for companies where the CEO and the CTO were men. 👉 In fact, almost all my peers were men, meaning that I was practically always the only woman in all staff meetings I was part of (sometimes, that would be 20 or 30 people!) When I was younger, I felt honored just to be there, part of an elite group of technologists. But that very feeling of being "lucky to be included" shaped how I behaved. I held back disagreement, afraid that if I challenged the group, it would be attributed to me being difficult, to me being... a woman. And when I was talked over or quietly ignored, it could never identify when it was discrimination, because I thought that since I was here, it must mean that they cared about my opinion, so if they shut it down, it meant I was just wrong. But then, it started costing me more than just self-confidence, but real opportunities: ❌ I couldn't find the courage to ask for promotions because I felt I should already consider myself lucky to be the highest ranking woman in my department ❌ I didn't have anyone to advise me because no one above me had gone through the same experience ❌ Some of my managers even praised me for "doing really well for a woman", so it made me feel that I was subject to different standards, and of course, no one was there to tell me otherwise ❌ I accepted the fact that I was being passed on for cool projects and promotions as a fatality In the meantime, DEI initiatives were focusing on bringing more women onboard, not helping the ones already in place grow the ladder. So if you’re the only one in the room, or the only one on the org chart who looks like you, don’t let that become a ceiling. 🤞 You are not "lucky" to be there. 💥 You are powerful. And you have every right to keep growing… and to keep dreaming 🚀 🚀🚀 #WomenInTech #Leadership #CareerGrowth #RepresentationMatters

The conversation that changed how I think about emotions wasn't the one I expected. Someone asked me when I last felt my feelings instead of just managing them. I couldn't answer. Because somewhere along the way, I'd gotten so good at staying composed that I forgot to actually feel. Maybe you can relate. The constant push to be the steady leader. To have answers. To keep the team moving forward no matter what. But here's what I've discovered: Real emotional intelligence isn't just about controlling emotions. It's about understanding them first. Controlling your responses. And helping others do the same. Here are 8 ways to build real emotional intelligence: 1. Notice your patterns Track what triggers you during high-stakes moments. When do you feel energized? Depleted? Reactive? Understanding your patterns helps you lead better. 2. Name what you're feeling Replace "I'm fine" with what's actually true. Are you frustrated? Excited? Overwhelmed? Clarity starts with honest labeling. 3. Build in buffer time When tensions rise, count to six before responding. Those six seconds can transform a reaction into a thoughtful response. 4. Protect your energy Schedule tough conversations when you're at your best. Leading through conflict takes more bandwidth than most leaders realize. 5. Listen without solving This is the hardest for me and something I work on every day... Sometimes your team just needs to be heard. Let them share fully before offering solutions. Trust builds in these moments. 6. Read the room Watch for what's not being said in meetings. Crossed arms, silence, sudden energy shifts… these signals matter as much as words. 7. Ask questions that matter "What do you need from me?" beats assumptions. "Help me understand your perspective" opens doors. Real leadership happens in these exchanges. 8. Think beyond your view Before big decisions, consider the ripple effects. How will this land with your team? Your clients? Great leaders think in circles, not straight lines. The truth about emotional intelligence? It's not about being less human. It's about being more connected. Because when leaders understand their own emotions, they create cultures where others can thrive. And that's how you build something extraordinary. 📌 Save this for when emotions run high. ♻️ Repost if this resonates with your leadership journey. 👉 Follow Desiree Gruber for more insights on storytelling, leadership, and brand building.

I almost cried in public, and it was more than alright. When you hold leadership positions, do you show vulnerability? (the common response today is "yes, it makes you relatable.") Now for a woman that's a double-edged response: It often feels like you don't have room for error or vulnerability, and can get judged as weak.  Add that to being in a male dominated industry like tech. 20 yrs ago, I thought one had to play the corporate game like a man (whatever that means then). May be hard to visualize now but: • Was called a "machine" and "not human" because I drove relentlessly, like I had no feelings or sleep. • Was stoic, couldn't smile (still have an RBF but I try now), was the one you go for "dependability". • Had zero ounce of play, some were worried for my kids because "Andrea is so serious". • Was losing steam rapidly each year, because it's very hard to pretend to be someone who are you are not. • Don't allow one bit of vulnerability to leak through. 𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗯𝗶𝘁. Today: • I feel my emotions deeply and process them. I even coach others to do so. • I've teared up or cried a few times in public.  No biggie. • I remain passionate and allow that to unleash in times when I want to channel the energy to work on something. • I don't pretend to have it all together. And actively find pockets of time to rest, relax and yes, play. • I remain grounded, but learn not to take myself so seriously. • Not embarrassed when working my energy & schedule around my period and its symptoms. I think the world is still trying to understand what female leadership looks like - and that is not a female version of a male leader. What I look to do instead is understand what female leadership feels like and how she expresses herself.  What is your own version? If it helps, here's a peek to what it can entail when you shift your energy to what is aligned to being you: • A new burst of energy • Learn to nurture and take care of your own internal creative • New possibilities and visions • Release "should" goals (or just goals in general) • A preference for deepening and loving your treasured relationships • Grow teams based on utilising their individual potential and strengths (when you see your team for who they truly are, watch them blossom) • You pave the way for others and/or your children • You kick ass • Learn to do nothing and be still to trust your intuition • Shift the energies of teams or spaces that you have been given the opportunity to do so.    Is there anything else you would add? ------- 👋 𝘐 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘴 𝘸𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘨𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘯.  𝘙𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘯-𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯, 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯.  𝘍𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘦> Andrea T. #undilutedbyAT #thoughtleadership #femaleleadership