Building Emotional Literacy

I watched a new project manager freeze in a stakeholder meeting. It was a rabbit in the headlight moment Perfect project plan. Colour coded timelines. Risk registers. Every process documented. But when the sponsor challenged scope and the tech lead pushed back on deadlines and challenged, she went quiet. You could see her mind racing.  𝗜𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝗹? 𝗔𝗺 𝗜 𝗺𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘂𝗽? 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗜 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗸 𝘂𝗽? That's when it hit me. We've built an entire profession on the wrong foundation. We teach new PMs to build Gantt charts and manage dependencies. We certify them in methodologies and frameworks. We give them tools to track progress and report status. But we don't teach them how to navigate the moment when the room gets tense and everyone's looking at them to lead. We don't prepare them for the ego clash between a senior developer and a demanding client.  Or how to hold their ground when a stakeholder tries to steamroll the timeline.  Or what to do when their confidence is shaking but the team needs them to project certainty. The result? Project managers who can create beautiful documentation but struggle with difficult conversations. Who can identify risks in a spreadsheet but can't influence the behavior creating those risks. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗴𝗮𝗽 𝗶𝗻 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗶𝘀𝗻'𝘁 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗰𝗲𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀. It's that we expect people leadership from professionals we've only trained in process management. That new PM I watched? She's brilliant. She'll figure it out. But imagine if we'd prepared her for those moments from day one instead of leaving her to learn through trial by fire. What would change if we spent as much time teaching new PMs emotional intelligence and stakeholder management as we do on Waterfall vs Agile? For the experienced PMs: What's one leadership skill you wish someone had taught you in your first year? For the new PMs: What moment made you realise this job is more about people than process? Let's start the conversation the PM training programs aren't having.

What The Func? When under emotional stress, ask - What the Func! No, I am not using a clever spelling change to avoid using a word I should not use. Func is slang for Function. Used as we use 'Purpose'. When too much emotion is flying around it is best to ask - What is the Func? This and many more lessons to be learnt in the book Emotional Agility by Susan David, Ph.D. This is a going to be one of the few books in 2023 that I listen on Audible then buy a physical copy. And this puts Susan in company of Steven Barlett and Adam Grant! Emotional Agility is the opposite of Emotional Rigidity and is much needed in times of stress. Three key lessons I learnt from this book: 1. Navigate Life's Twists Life will throw twists. Being emotionally agile helps us navigate these twists and stay resilient. 2. Agility Can Help You Grow Emotional agility helps us navigate stressful situations and focus on what's to be done. This helps our careers. 3. Transform Relationships If you understand your own emotions better, eventually you can understand the emotions of others. And this is vital to transform relationships. What The Func? Asking What The Func helps you focus on the function and not the emotion. Very often in emotionally charged situations we say things that we did not mean. Or say it in a hurtful manner. Focusing on the Func helps us navigate this stress. Next time in stress, ask What the Func!😄 10 Key Lessons from "Emotional Agility 1. Embrace Your Emotions: Acknowledge and accept your emotions as valid and essential to your well-being. 2. Flexibility is Key: Cultivate the ability to adapt to changing circumstances, turning challenges into opportunities. 3. Values Alignment: Align your actions with your core values for a more fulfilling and purpose-driven life. 4. Mindfulness Practices: Incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine to enhance self-awareness and emotional intelligence. 5. Healthy Detachment: Learn to step back and objectively observe your thoughts and emotions to make more informed decisions. 6. Courageous Conversations: Develop the skill of engaging in open and honest conversations, even when the topic is difficult. 7. Failure as a Stepping Stone: View failures as opportunities for growth and learning, rather than insurmountable obstacles. 8. Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend. 9. Proactive Approach: Take charge of your emotional well-being by actively managing and directing your responses. 10. Continuous Growth: Understand that emotional agility is an ongoing journey of self-discovery and improvement. Emotional Agility is a once in a generation book. It brings together a lot of research and insights in a language and style that is easy to connect with. If you believe that emotions are the root cause of all 'situations' this is a must read. Next time in stress, ask What the Func!😄 === Follow Anshuman Tiwari for more.

Picture this… as I stood in our kitchen watching the rain soak my beautiful new outdoor lounge—its cover lying uselessly on the ground—I felt a surge of irritation. My first impulse was to blame my husband for not replacing the cover. But I paused, asking myself, "Is this really worth getting upset over?" The answer was clear: probably not. It's fascinating how our biology hasn't quite caught up with the modern world. Our bodies react to minor annoyances as though they're life-threatening, much like early humans who needed to be alert for predators in every shadow. This outdated response floods our system with cortisol, tricking us into feeling that every challenge might be a matter of life and death. By becoming more aware of these threat triggers and acknowledging their activation, we can begin to free ourselves from these automatic reactions. Initially, this requires conscious effort. It might help to jot down instances when you notice your threat response activating, then reflect on whether the feared outcome actually occurs. More often than not, it doesn’t. With support and practice, this process will become more natural, allowing you to reset swiftly and move on with your day. So, what happened in the kitchen? Here’s how I handled it: 1. I recognised my threat response and reassured myself I was safe. 2. A few deep breaths helped me regulate my emotions and calm down. 3. I gave my husband a big hug and said “isn’t the rain beautiful.” Today, I challenge you to become aware of your threat responses and start managing these outdated biological reactions to stress. It’s not just about reducing stress; it’s about enhancing how we experience life every day. #stressmanagement #selfregulation #stressresponse #leadership #selfleadership

"I was so angry that I felt I was going to explode. How dare he dismiss my views so casually". "Sometimes even if I don't say anything, I am told my feelings are plainly visible on my face". In my work as an #executivecoach, I hear statements such as these. A frequent coaching theme is emotional awareness and constructive expression of emotions. Do you ever find yourself overwhelmed by emotions, struggling to articulate what you're feeling? Understanding and accurately labeling our emotions is crucial for effective self-expression and emotional management. It's not just about what you feel, but how you communicate it that can make a world of difference in personal and professional settings. Why Labeling Emotions Matters: 1. Clarity & Awareness: It helps pinpoint exactly what you're experiencing, fostering self-awareness. 2. Better Communication: Clear labels enable you to express yourself more accurately to others. 3. Self-Regulation: Knowing your emotions empowers you to manage them constructively. 4. Builds Emotional Resilience: By honing this skill, you pave the way for greater emotional resilience and stronger relationships. Lets take 2 scenarios to understand this better. Scenario 1: When Emotions Aren't Expressed Well A manager, feeling overwhelmed by a looming project deadline, addresses their team with frustration, saying, "You’re all not doing enough!" This broad statement stems from stress but communicates blame, leading to defensiveness and decreased morale among team members. Reframed Approach: When Emotions Are Expressed Accurately In a similar situation, the manager takes a moment to reflect and labels their emotion as "anxious" rather than just "angry." They express, "I’m feeling anxious about the upcoming deadline and worry we might be falling behind. Let’s discuss where we stand and what support might be needed to move forward." This approach encourages collaboration, openness, and a sense of shared purpose. Scenario 2: When One Feels Disrespected and Responds with Strong Words An employee feels unheard and disrespected in a team meeting. Frustrated, they say, "This is ridiculous! You never listen to me; this whole process is a waste of time!" While this communicates their frustration, it may escalate tensions and close down constructive dialogue. Reframed Approach: After taking a moment to reflect, the employee could reframe by labeling their emotion accurately and using "I" statements: "I feel frustrated because I sense my points aren't being considered. I’d appreciate it if we could revisit my ideas and discuss them further. I'm committed to finding a solution that works for everyone." This approach opens up the space for respectful dialogue and problem-solving. What has been your experience of emotional labeling? How has it impacted how you navigate your professional and personal life? #emotionalintelligence #coaching #personaldevelopment #unlockpotential Pic credit - as indicated in the image

What happens to you when your emotions rise? Are you aware of the influence they have on your decisions? The workplace has challenges, short timelines, conflicts, and never-ending task lists. As a result, words get exchanged, and boundaries are crossed  and values dishonoured. These are unintentional; however, when under pressure, your ability to perceive the situation objectively and make helpful meaning is usually lost. Emotional Intelligence or Emotional Quotient ( EQ) is the ability to recognise and manage emotions in self and others. EQ consists of self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship building. Begin by reflecting on these - ◉ "What emotions do I experience regularly"? ◉ "How am I at managing my emotions"? ◉ "What emotions do I observe in my team members and coworkers"? ◉ "How can I build better relationships with them"? Next, focus on these four areas to enhance your Emotional Intelligence. ▷ Somatic Awareness Learn to observe your body's sensations and identify when stress builds up so you can manage it effectively through various relaxation practices. ▷ Emotional Regulation Pause, reflect, assess, and respond thoughtfully, especially when the pressure is high. This will give you a sense of agency over your emotional responses. This can also help you build empathy, listen better and understand the feelings and emotional states of others. ▷ Social Skills Develop this by engaging in open, transparent conversations, seeking active feedback, and then working to resolve conflicts quickly and constructively. ▷ High ownership Last but not least, by maintaining high ownership of your goals and a growth mindset, you can stay motivated and encourage your team to do the same. This will also lead to increased resilience when practised in the long run. Leaders with high emotional intelligence are likely to make better decisions, build engaged and empowered teams, and experience greater well-being. Get started today, and let Emotional Intelligence guide your leadership. What about Emotional Intelligence resonates most with you?   Do drop your comment on emotionally intelligent leaders. #LeadershipDevelopment #EmotionalIntelligence #ExecutiveCoaching 

Don’t just staff your change and transformation office with project managers - no knock on PMs (you're critical!) but in addition to managing the plan and progress, you need relationship-minded, high-EQ leaders who can influence across silos, build trust, and create followership. Hire for emotional intelligence as much as execution experience, and complement your project management capability with relationship-builders equipped with human-centered change leadership skills - part diplomat, part bridge-builder, & part super-facilitator. Managing the Gantt chart and budget won't get us there alone - we need to shift and shape hearts and minds, change behaviors, support adoption, and create a movement in order to realize our visions and achieve impact. #transformation #strategyactivation #changeleadership

Are your customers humans or just account numbers in your ledger? Do they feel nurtured or merely processed when they interact with your company? Despite the marvels of modern technology, it hasn't usurped the throne of the ultimate relationship tool in business - the art of one-on-one communication. It's this 'Human Touch' that forges the most potent emotional bond with a customer. But how do you infuse this Human Touch in your customer interactions? Instead of leaving you wondering, let me share a few practical, yet potent tips..." ⭐Personalize Communication: Tailor interactions to each customer’s needs and preferences. ⭐Active Listening: Fully engage with what customers are saying to understand their concerns. ⭐Empathy and Compassion: Show genuine understanding and concern for customers’ feelings. ⭐Follow-Up: Check in with customers post-interaction to ensure their satisfaction. ⭐Humanize Your Brand: Share relatable stories about your team and company journey. ⭐Accessibility: Provide easy access to human support, avoiding over-reliance on automation. ⭐Feedback Loops: Actively collect and respond to customer feedback. ⭐Surprise and Delight: Exceed expectations with unexpected gestures that resonate. ⭐Consistent Experience: Maintain a uniform, high-quality experience across all customer touchpoints. "Which of these tips resonate with you the most? Will you implement them? Or do you have a novel approach to share? Speak up - your insights might just inspire another business to improve their customer experience!

What Happens in the Brain When We React Too Quickly? When we’re overwhelmed, our amygdala (the emotional alarm system) takes control. Our rational brain,the prefrontal cortex, goes offline. That’s why we say things we don’t mean or make decisions we later regret. The R.A.P.I.D. Method helps us regain access to the thinking brain, creating a gap between emotion and action, a psychological pause. 💡 How the R.A.P.I.D. Method Works (Scientifically & Practically): 🔹 R – Relax: Slowing your breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system. This reduces cortisol and brings your body out of “fight or flight.” 🔹 A – Accept: Acceptance doesn’t mean agreement. It means noticing what you feel without judgment. This reduces internal resistance and calms emotional intensity. 🔹 P – Pause: A 10-second pause gives your brain time to shift from reaction to reflection, literally allowing the prefrontal cortex to come back online. 🔹 I – Investigate: Curiosity replaces criticism. You ask, “Why am I feeling this way?” This brings awareness to triggers, unmet needs, and patterns. 🔹 D – Decide: Only now can you choose a response aligned with your values, not your stress. This is emotional intelligence in action. ✨ Why This Matters We teach emotional regulation in therapy not to suppress feelings, but to experience them wisely, without letting them harm our relationships, decisions, or self-worth. 📢 Your Turn Next time your emotions feel loud, try this: R.A.P.I.D. - Breathe. Accept. Pause. Investigate. Decide. Write it down. Save it on your phone. Practice it before you need it.

Feeling overwhelmed or stuck? Let’s talk about coping skills. We all have moments when emotions feel too big to handle. That’s where coping skills come in—practical tools to help you navigate stress or anxiety. Here are 6 styles of coping skills with examples to try: 1️⃣ Distraction Redirect your focus to take a breather from overwhelming feelings. ➔ Count backward from 100. ➔ Name objects of a specific color in your room (e.g., “How many blue items can I see?”). ➔ Pick a category (e.g., animals, movies) and list as many as you can in 60 seconds. 2️⃣ Grounding/Mindfulness Bring yourself back to the present. ➔ Try the 5-4-3-2-1 technique: Name 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, and 1 you taste. ➔ Focus on deep breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4. ➔ Splash cold water on your face or hold an ice cube to reset your senses. 3️⃣ Thought Challenging Reframe negative thoughts with logic. ➔ When thinking, “What if I fail?” ask, “What’s the evidence this will happen? What’s a more realistic outcome?” ➔ Write pros and cons for your worry to gain perspective. 4️⃣ Emotional Awareness Name and express your feelings. ➔ Label your emotions (e.g., “I feel frustrated”). Use an emotion chart if needed. ➔ Write worries on paper and place them in a “worry jar” to externalize them. 5️⃣ Opposite Action Challenge negative impulses by acting differently. ➔ Feeling like staying in bed? Go for a 10-minute walk outside. ➔ Angry? Do something kind, like writing a note of appreciation. 6️⃣ Social Interaction Connect with others for support. ➔ Call or text a friend—even a small check-in helps. ➔ Join a club or volunteer to build a sense of belonging. Coping is about small steps, not immediate fixes. Which of these resonates with you? #MentalHealth #CopingSkills #EmotionalWellness #StressManagement

Project management is emotional work disguised as technical work. People think the hardest part of this job is planning, tracking, or documenting. They have no idea. The real challenge is carrying the emotional weight of a team that relies on you to hold everything together. You feel it when someone is overwhelmed but will not admit it. You feel it when tension enters the room before anyone speaks. You feel it when a decision lands badly and you have to guide the energy back to stable ground. You feel it when a stakeholder’s tone shifts and you know a conflict is coming. No template teaches you how to handle that. No software absorbs that pressure for you. No certification prepares you for the moments when you are steadying people more than projects. You learn to read silence. You learn to sense frustration before it turns into resistance. You learn to protect the team from chaos they never even know happened. You learn to calmly deliver news that everyone else is afraid to speak out loud. And still, despite the weight, you keep showing up. Because you get to see the moments no one else sees. You watch a discouraged team find belief again. You watch a messy problem finally snap into clarity. You watch people succeed because you created the environment that made success possible. You watch progress appear where chaos used to live. This work is not easy. It is not soft. It is not gentle. But it is meaningful. It is human. It is leadership in its most demanding form. If you have ever carried the emotional load of a project so your team did not have to, you know exactly what this feels like. Agree or disagree? 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗣𝗠 𝗣𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗯𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗼𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲. Live training, masterclasses, weekly group coaching, on-demand learning, and a 3,100+ project manager community. 𝗙𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀 𝗗𝗲𝗰𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟯𝟭. Check it out here: https://lnkd.in/ebGgdmTz